Illustration by Molly Ha
After years of thinking I had it all, I realized I had all of what others wanted for me and had nothing of what I wanted for myself.
On paper, I was a UC graduate in Business with an emphasis in Accounting. I worked with Entertainment conglomerates doing everything from accounting, financial analysis, audits, business analysis, and even creating participation models for a certain tall and funny red head with his own late night show. I was a single mom working a full time job in corporate while trying to balance time with family and friends. For years, I spent countless hours on researching and practicing self improvement and finding ways to make my life more efficient so I can "do it all". And, I DID IT!! I set boundaries in co-parenting. I got my groove back with single mom life and kept up with all the Pinterest moms. I found time to hang out with family and friends. I even got promoted at work. I DID IT ALL. For everybody else at least.
THEN, IN LESS THAN A YEAR, EVERYTHING CHANGED.
In nine months time, I lost my dad to stage four cancer...I lost my dog who was like my first child...and I continued to deal with the challenges of co-parenting. Yet, I still DID IT ALL. I never stopped. Everybody was amazed by my ability to put a smile on my face despite anything going on in my life and getting it all done in an over achiever fashion.
Until one day when I landed in the ER.
I was diagnosed with a rare auto immune disorder called Guillain Barre Syndrome. My body was attacking my nerves. I lost reflexes in my legs within three days of the diagnosis. All my limbs were numb. I couldn't seal my lips to drink out of a straw. And, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t form a smile. The doctors had to check the strength of my breathing because the next stage was to be on a ventilator with the possibility of being paralyzed and bedridden. As I laid in the hospital bed in the stroke unit of the hospital, I realized that was the first time in a long time that I had time for...ME. But I couldn't do anything for myself because I could barely move. In that moment, I was making a to do list in my head in case I was in the 5% that died from this rare auto immune disorder. I couldn't think of anything to put on that list because...I DID IT ALL. The only thing I kept thinking was...I did it all...but I did nothing for myself. I DID IT ALL for my son, my family, my friends, my coworkers, the random mom I saw needing help, or the old lady next door, etc...
“Life is too short to suffer. Plus, suffering causes wrinkles and nobody has time for wrinkles.”
Once released from the hospital, I took half a year to learn how to Netflix. Yes, I didn't know how to sit there and watch Netflix without:
having a list of things to do running in my head
feeling guilty for sitting there relaxing
feeling unproductive and stressed from being unproductive
I drowned myself in audiobooks, Youtube videos, courses, seminars, blogs, etc on self improvement. If I could feel less stressed and tired or at least know how to manage it I would. If I could get some actionable solutions to get through the day or week I would. I decided to help others in a way I wish I had available to me. Why? Because YOU are worth it to me. Why feel stuck or go backwards when you can move forward? Why me? I use my love of planning (former Franklin Covey employee! Early learning's of Stephen Covey’s work) + accounting and finance background (two decades of working with the major TV studios/production companies. Let’s say I was around to see the evolution of the digital space before it existed) + coaching (Robbins Madanes training) + life experience (lots of therapy and self work and healing) to give you a well rounded approach to find your own alignment because life is like a box of chocolates.
If I could shave off any time of suffering I would - life is too short to suffer. Plus, suffering causes wrinkles and nobody has time for wrinkles.